A very long day

Monday is/was one of the longest days of my life.

I have never prayed so much, worried so much, trusted Jesus so much, paced so much, watched monitors so much, or bugged nurses so much.

Anyone who followed me on twitter or facebook was probably rolling their eyes at yet another Krista tweet about Annabelle.

I woke up to her having had a good night. One so-so blood gas, but the next one got better

First, let me explain blood gas. Everyone has “normal” levels of certain gasses in their blood… the ones they’ve been concerned with are her CO2’s, PH level, and lactates. There are other things that concern them too, but these are the three that she has had issues with when being extubated.

Her CO2’s should ideally be in the 40’s, but for Annabelle, we are just fine if she is in the 50’s or 60’s, and even accept low 70’s.

Her PH levels should ideally be 7.35 to 7.45.

Her lactates should be under 1, but under 2 is acceptable.

So, we started off the morning with a blood gas of CO2=90, PH=7.23, Lactates were fine.

We fiddled with her, thinking this was much due to her over sedation, and they came up to CO2=83, PH=7.28.

This wasn’t great, but better, so we remained tubeless.

The next gas was a CO2 of 82. Not a great improvement when we were sure they would go down because she looked really good.

Next one was not great at ALL. Her CO2 was back up to 83, and her Lactates were up to 3 when they had been fine on the previous ones. They talked about reintubating, but decided to give her another 15 minutes just to be sure it was correct, but really had little hope. They were prepared to reintubate.

Right about then, Pastor Derek and Pastor Tonya came to visit from church. I do NOT think it was a coincidence because I was, to be honest, really tired of praying. I know that sounds awful, but I was good to eek out a “Please God.” My heart was there, but my strength, not so much. They prayed with me for Annabelle, then left. The blood gas came back MUCH improved! Lactates were down to 1.8, CO2’s were down to 79. God is just so very good.

Annabelle and I then had some really good snuggle time, and in the mean time she got back another good gas. CO2’s were continuing to lower, then at 73. Lactates where still down.

Took another gas after that, CO2’s were 69, WOOHOO, but URGH. Lactates were back and 3.

Took another gas after that, CO2’s were down to 63, WOOHOO, but URGH again. Lactates were even higher at 5. They decided to give her some saline to try to help her body flush out her lactates. If that doesn’t work… then the tube will go back in.

UPDATE: EEEEEeeEEE! I am crying tears of joy. I’ve been shaking and pacing and praying and… oh my. Have you ever had your insides just shake you were so nervous? My teeth were chattering and I think the nurse was eyeing the stat cart for ME. BUT! Lactates came back and they were 1.2!!!! EEEEE!!! On the opposite point, our CO2’s came back up a little to 74, but we’re okay with that for now. Her PH is perfect.

They’ll do another gas in 2 hours. If that is okay, the next one will be 4 hours after that. Then it’ll just depend on how she’s doing and what the numbers are.

Now that the day is coming to a close, I’m making myself stop and take a breathe. I’m emotionally exhausted, to be quite honest. I’ve had to give my Annabelle to God more times in one day than I thought was possible. I suppose this is because I kept taking her back, and God kept reminding me that she is really His and that HE is in control. It’s a very humbling experience to have to literally beg God for your child’s health but at the same time, let go of her and tell God that whatever he chooses, you’ll praise him anyway. And to have to do that every hour or two for almost 24 hours… I’m humbled and in awe of a mighty God right now.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. But I know whatever it is, God will get us through it. It WILL be okay. I trust God today, and I trust him with my (and Annabelle’s) tomorrow.

I’m going to bed now. I REALLY want to stay up and hear her blood gas in 2 hours, but laying down in a bed (even a hospital cot type one…) sounds so very good right now. I may not be in her room pacing for results, but God is here. That’s what matters.

Your continued prayers before God’s throne for my Annabelle are still appreciated. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, because I KNOW there is great power in prayer.