Today, in church, we sang a song that spoke directly to me. As I noted in my last post, I’ve been strugging this weekend with the fear of failure. Every time I start to work on my book, it’s like there’s this little guy on my shoulder shouting at me “You’re a horrible writer, you’ll never amount to anything, this is just a huge waste of time!” I’ve ignored the voice successfully until this weekend. I gave in and let it overwhelm me.
I gave into the desire to “tell” God what to do. I wanted to remind him how tired I was, how hard it was to keep up with my job and manage my department, which is really important to me, as well as be a good mom to my kids and a good wife to my husband. On top of that, I’m desperately trying to be a good writer and learn the craft. And of course, my main priority should be to God.
I think the “God” priority has been slipping. It’s easy to justify that doing all the other things is all serving God. It is, but that doesn’t make up for the time God wants us to spend worshiping Him, praising him, and submitting to him. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in ourselves, in what we want, in what we desire, that we forget that it’s not about us.
All of it. My job, my family, my writing. None of it is about me. It’s not about making money, or being famous, or even having pride in being a good mom and wife. It’s about serving God and doing his will.
And God is an all or nothin kinda guy. He wants all of us. He doesn’t want just the leftovers that we choose to throw at him. We can’t “serve” him our way, it has to be His way.
The words of the song this morning go like this:
It’s all about you, Jesus.
And all this is for you
For your glory and your fame
It’s not about me,
as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God and I surrender
to your ways.
Jesus, lover of my soul.
All consuming fire is in your gaze.
Jesus, I want you to know.
I will follow you all my days.
For no one else in history is like you.
History itself belongs to you.
Alpha and Omega you have loved me.
And I will share eternity with you.
I rarely cry in church. It’s just not who I am. But I had tears in eyes this morning. This is exactly what God wanted to remind me. It’s not about me. It never has been. God wants to use me and I need to surrender and let Him. I don’t need to worry about agents editors or what I’m going to wear. I need to obey him and rest in him. I need to have FUN doing these things and preparing for them. This isn’t a contest. It isn’t something to win.
It’s about serving God with the talent he has given us. It’s about learning the trade of writing so we can serve him better. It’s about communing with other believers and building each other up.
Most importantly, its about bowing down, worshiping and giving Glory to our King.
It IS all about our Audience of ONE, isn’t it???
Hang in there, Press on, and know, the Devil can’t win if you’re looking to Jesus all the time.
Hang in there.
One thing that I try (notice I said try!!!) is in John 2 when Jesus perform the miracle of truning water into wine. Something his mother says to the servants that we all need to do…all the time.
John 2:5 – “But his mother told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
Easier said than done. Obeying Jesus, just like your children obeying you, is just not going to happen 100% of the time, no matter how badly we want it to happen. This little thing called free will that God gave us always seems to get in the way.
Good luck…if it is any consolantion, I think your writing on the blog is great.
Jeff, I’m still trying to figure out how a fellow payroll supervisor found my blog… Do you write too?
Sheri, thanks so much for the encouragement!
I clicked on my job title to find other that have the same and yours kept coming up near the top every time. I thought that you must write on the blog a lot. I started reading it thinking that maybe you blog about payroll from time to time…but alas, mostly about it is about writing. And a Christian as well!! Though I still find your blog entertaining. I have done the same with my city etc. Just to see what is out there to read.
LOL! Someday, jeff, I’m going to write a blog post all about my great payroll knowledge (garuff!)
You will notice that I have links to the APA and the IRS on my blog though. I do stay true to my payroll career as well!!
That said, if you ever want to network about payroll junk (I am a CPP…) just shoot me an email! But beware, that would mean I’d hound you with some pressing CA payroll questions. And wow, we know how fun your state is!!
I have started and stopped studying for the CPP more times than I can count. I start in payroll in 1994 with Paychex and I wouldn’t say that I love it, but it has been interesting and given me and my family a good life.
How hard was the CPP exam. I have taken those mini practice exams and score pretty well. NOt sure if I want to put that much effort into it at this point in my life.
CA is the only state I have actually worked in but I have done returns in for 50 states at one point or another.
By the way, I loved the pitch…very funny.
Jeff, the CPP exam was difficult, but I am a natural test taker so I am probably not the one to ask. There are many people I know that have taken it 2 or 3 times before passing, but many who passed the first time. I passed the first time, and was really nervous, but if you’ve been doing payroll since 1994 I would think you’d do fine!
I do recommend you study the payroll source inside and out. I read that dadgum book front to back in about a month, then took the test, and passed with a pretty good score. It’s not the way for everyone, but it worked for me.
SO cool that you worked for Paychex! I did too, in Memphis, TN for about 2 years. It was my second payroll job. Then I moved to Nashville and got the job I’m in today (and was promoted a year ago to manager). I like payroll, I get to talk with people which I like, get to work with numbers which I am good at, and get my writing bug out by writing fun procedures and long detailed emails (which my boss DOESN’T like! SImplify, Krista, simplify!)
Yep, gotta love multi-state! We are in about 40 of the 50 states, so wow, fun stuff!
So, yes, GO FOR IT! Take the test, gotta do it sometime:-) And it is fun putting letters behind your name LOL
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