Is it just me, or does romance take time?

Oh, I think I just got a few deer in the headlight looks from a few of you!

Writing romance, obviously, takes a lot of time. We have to pick and choose our hero/heroine, what their plight will be, how to make it impossible for them to get together, but still have them get together in the end. The romance has to be tantalizing yet not overkill, emotion filled but not dripping with ughness (my new word….) It takes time to craft our wonderful romance-stories.

REAL romance takes time too. For those of you with significant others, you know that romance doesn’t just happen. Oh, there is that gooey feeling of love at the beginning, those times where it’s easy to be romantic. But as the relationship progresses, romance becomes something you have to work at. Put time, effort, and your heart into. When I was that teenager in awe of all that was the phenomenon of romance, it seemed so easy. So simple. Woo your mate, love them, make them feel special.

But life gets in the way. Kids need carpooled places, work demands your time, you are drained and really don’t feel like doing your hair or makeup to go out to dinner, and sweats become your favorite item of dress. Getting all ooh-la-la isn’t as easy or appealing anymore.

A marriage is worth the effort though, and romance should be a priority in all marriages. I’ve heard so many people complain, “The romance just isn’t there anymore.”

Well, duh! No, it’s not, because romance isn’t something that just happens. It’s something that you DO. Kinda like that saying we all came to love (think DC Talk) Love is a VERB!

Discussion: For you married folks out there, have you experienced this yet– or are you still honeymooning *grin*? What do YOU do (that can be shared publicly!) to keep romance alive in your marriage?

For me, I know I can do better at this. But sometimes it’s the little things too. Like making out in the kitchen (while my kids scream EWWWW and cover their eyes, ha!), or telling him that I love him on Facebook (it IS 2010 ya know!) or writing him a little note next to the bed that says, “I LOVE YOU!” so he sees it when he wakes up after I’m gone to work. Stupid little things, but they are intentional to make him feel special and loved.

Congratulations, Susan Reinhardt! You’re the winner of Kaye Dacus’ book, A Case for Love!


  1. romance is never a chore but perhaps our expectations are too high?
    A quick hug or sms suffices just as well in todays time-pressed world

  2. My husband is a lot better at this than I am. He is a romantic soul and will woo me on occasion. Thanks for the reminder that I need to do a little wooing of my own. 🙂

  3. My husband and I aren't romantic in the sense of dates or flowers, but we're affectionate and I think that does a lot for a relationship. Passing hugs, compliments, etc. 🙂 You're right, it takes work to make your spouse feel special, but it's well worth the investment. 🙂
    I hope you get plenty of rest, Krista.

  4. Lee, it's a pleasant chore:-) I guess my point is that many people view romance as doing it when you "want" to or "feel" like it. If we put it in the "want to do" instead of "need to do" it becomes easier to skip over.

    And let me clarify. I'm not talking about HUGE things, although those are good sometimes too! It's the kiss that's a little more than a peck on the way out the door, a quick nibble on his ear when he's not expecting it, the dressing up and making a nice dinner for him once in a while to surprise him. It doesn't have to be grand (aka Sherrinda's husband and the treehouse adventure, although those are nice too!), but just enough to keep that spark there and to put forth the effort.

    Like I said, a very pleasant chore:-)

  5. My husband and I will celebrate our 24th anniversary this summer (I was a child bride!). I think sometimes the romance is in things like catching each other's eye across the room and smiling. Our calling each other during the work day just because we want to talk. And nothing says "I love you" to me like the fact that my husband makes sure I have a clean towel when I'm getting in the shower. Just little things that say I'm thinking of you.

  6. Last week my husband left me a note encouraging me in my writing and it greatly improved my mood all day.

    I don't write romance, but have incorporated a romantic scene or two and it is tricky. I never want the scene to come across cheesy.
    ~ Wendy

  7. We have come to depend on our dates on the couch after bedtime. We put the kids to bed and then turn on some grown-up TV and chill with each other on the couch. Sometimes we end up turning the TV down and talking about something, sometimes we go raid the fridge for supper leftovers, and sometimes… well….

  8. Prayer request on arise 2 write.

  9. Hey, Krista,
    Thirty-three years of marriage have shown me romance is hard! Thinking of him first, honoring him when I'm not in the mood, taking time for him when work presses.

    I also struggle to write romantic scenes that aren't sappy or read-it-last-week.

    Take care of yourself!


  10. It is work at times. Just like exercise, if you don't do regularly, everything starts drooping. :O)

  11. Our honeymoon days are long gone 🙁 We have two kids, one's in school, the other is a toddler. He works, I write, we have activities, each on our own plus the kids'. Life will only get busier as time goes on.

    We have very little time together as a couple. Even when we do get a sitter, it's usually for a specific purpose- a party, a pre-planned thing with friends. We feel guilty for asking our parents to take the kids more often than they do…so that means very little alone time for us.

    But we get some time at night and even just enjoying our favorite shows together is nice.

    We are going away in April though…first time in 8 years that we've taken a trip alone. We are VERY much looking forward to reconnecting!!

  12. What can I do to keep romance alive?

    Always come home with chocolate. That seems to do it.

  13. This might not work for everyone, but it did for me. When things were dragging and sagging in the romance dept a few years ago, I wrote a book. On s-e-x. The title–Is That All He Thinks About? (How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband)


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