Preparation begins!

Today, a flurry of surgery preparations began. Actually, they started yesterday when they gave Annabelle blood to “beef” her up for surgery. They’ll stop feeds at midnight, give her two baths, make sure her blood is just right, and generally just make sure all is go for first thing in the morning.

Annabelle prepared by doing some sit-up time in the Tumbler. (Thanks Physical Therapy people!!!) SHE LOVED IT! She was totally all about the tumbler:-)

Daddy and I are preparing too. I spoke with the surgeon, a cardiology nurse, the doctor who will be handling anesthesia, and her cardiologist.

Side note: Mommy had planned to go to work today. In fact, she even left the room and went to the parking garage. However, when her car wouldn’t start, she decided that God was telling her to stay put. It was a good thing she did, because her afternoon was full of important doctor’s visiting and needing to discuss things.

And in the morning, we will pack up her room, because we’ll most likely be moving to a different room when get back from surgery because she’ll need a one-on-one nurse for a while.

Getting her “prep” bath

But more than that, we’re preparing to let our baby go into surgery and put her 100% in the hands of God (by way of the surgeon.) There is something just so frightening yet so refreshing at the same time about knowing there isn’t ONE thing you can do to change the outcome of something. I’ve loved on my baby, I’ve taken care of her as best I know how, and now it’s all out of my hands. I have nothing left to do but trust my heavenly Father. And while it’s scary, I also know in my heart that God is so much bigger and better than I ever could be, and she is SO much safer in His hands than she is in mine.

Mommy holding time!

I’ve struggled today with a lot of fears, I’ll be quite honest. While her surgery tomorrow has a 95% success rate, I find it hard not to think about that 5%, and the fact that her journey hasn’t been stellar up to this point anyway. The what-if’s threaten to overwhelm me. If I think about it, I just can’t bear it. So I’m trying not to. I’m thinking about today only. About her sweet little face, her adorable little fingers and toes, and her smile a few weeks ago when we were able to see it.  I think about holding her in my arms while she sleeps (which I plan to beg the nurse to let me do tonight!) I think about how much she likes to stare at her little toys we hung up for her and her sad but sweet way she cries without making a sound.

I don’t think about tomorrow. I don’t even think about the thought of bringing her home.

Daddy holding time!

I’m thinking only about today. About what I have right now. Because NONE of us are promised a tomorrow. Surgery or no surgery. I have today, that’s what I DO know. And I love today. I really do.

God did give us GOOD news today, pretty miraculous news even. So, Annabelle has had all along a leaky valve. It started off mild, then went to severe, and then with medicine when back to mild-moderate. However, the last time we looked it was mostly severe (and was blamed for the reason that she’s had a tuff time with extubation.) When they did her cath a few weeks ago, the cardiologist said that it looked more towards the moderate side than the severe side, which was a good thing.

My strong, tough, sweet girl!

Well, today, the redid the echo. It is now looking more mild to moderate, which is a GREAT thing! It means during the surgery, they might not have to mess with it at all! They were planning on it being possibly an additional repair during the Glenn. I feel like that GOOD news today was a small way that God was saying, “It’s gonna be fine. Trust me.”

Back before I had Annabelle, I posted a song here that really meant a lot to me, but today, it means even more so I’m reposting the lyrics and link to Alison Krauss singing it. It is EXACTLY what I’m focusing on doing today as I love on and enjoy every moment with my little one.

I don’t know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden’s getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.

I don’t know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I’m covered with His blood.

Tomorrow, I’ll update as able… probably on twitter at www.twitter.com/kristaphilllips first though. Her surgery is scheduled for 8 and they hope to be done by 1 or 2.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU again for all of your prayers for our Annabelle!