On Christmas Eve, I was thinking about this past year. I’ve been doing that a lot lately!
What a whirlwind.
We started off 2010 with a heart Cath and planning to go home the next day. The next day we were rapid responsed back to the ICU. We ended the year with Annabelle at home, new heart intact, doing well except for a continuing cold. The days in between were… crazy. That’s a good word for it!
I started off the year employed with a good, solid (yet stressful) job, and ended it a stay-at-home mom.
The year started with me dreaming of having a book published some day, and it ended with a book contract in hand and first set of edits complete.
It started with my hubby having one part-time job and being a stay-at-home daddy, and now he has a full-time (temporary) job on top of the part-time one.
Yeah, we’ve had just a little change up in 2011!!
As I reflected back on December, a little part of me was sad. I’d so wanted to “enjoy” Christmas this year. Okay, take that back, I ENJOYED it very much. But I had visions of taking the month to be mom-of-the-year and being organized and doing fun Christmas stuff with my kids and not being hurried and just enjoying every second.
I, instead, spent the majority of it with my face in my computer, feverishly trying to complete rewrites on my book to make my pre-Christmas deadline while hurrying through Christmas preparations.
But… there’s always next year, right?
The moment I thought it, something huge hit me.
I have NO CLUE what the next year will hold. The possibilities are endless, and range for fantastic to tragic.
Life is never sure, and it’s always changing. Just a few days ago, two families in our small town lost a dear member of each family in a tragic car accident. A Father in one family, and a 5th grade girl in another. I look at my husband, and at Karalynn, my own 5th grader, and it hits me hard to know that it could have been one of them. We are never promised another day.
I read a statistic the other day that I just happened upon looking something up. It said the 5-year survival rate of heart transplant recipients is 70%. I’m not being pessimistic here, but realistic. Life with Annabelle will always be a daily gift. One I treasure more than I can express.
On a less tragic mode, I realistically know that while I’m able to stay home at the moment, something needs to happen to be able for us to sustain this. I’m at a complete loss as to what that will be/needs to be. I’m trusting that God knows though. God could choose to “wow” us, or he could choose to make us walk the edge of faith where we are grasping on a day-to-day basis. I’ve determined to trust him and praise him regardless of which way He decides to take us.
And my book releases this year! Big questions remain in my head. Will it sell? Will I be able to figure out the whole thing that is Marketing? Will I be able to get another contract for another book? And on a more elemental level, what will God do through my writing? My prayer, book contracts aside, is for God to use my words for His Glory. It’s the reason I started writing in the first place.
Many people get one word for the year instead of making goals and resolutions.
This is what I see for 2012, and what I feel like God is telling me.