You know those old TV shows that would poke fun using the whole “angel” and “devil” on your shoulder thing? Family Matters is one that pops into my mind, when the dad, Carl, would sit there and look at each of his shoulders. The devil would sit there and try to convince him to do “bad” things or NOT to do things he SHOULD do, and would pull out every trick in the book to make it work. The angel would fight with the devil and try to convince Carl to listen and do the “right” thing, or… not do whatever stunt the devil was trying to talk him into.
I don’t remember, but it seems like he listened to the devil most often, and it always ended up badly. Which, considering even a TV show needs “conflict” to keep it interesting, there’s no surprise there.
Do you ever feel like that? That you have this war going on within your head? I do… and way too often! But instead of trying to convince me to go be mean to Steve Urkel, it’s telling me that I’m not good enough. It’s showing me every fault I have and shoving it down my throat and convincing me why I will never succeed.
And I gotta tell you. It gets old after a while.
And a part of me gulps, because what if I’m really NOT good enough? I mean, we all hear to make sure our stuff is our BEST before we put it out there, but how come I can always find a way to make my stuff better? Will it EVER be my best? The best of authors say they are always learning and getting better… so how do we know when we are “good enough” to proceed?
So, while I don’t want to give the devil any credence and would love nothing more than to take my little index finger and flick him off my shoulder, I have to wonder sometimes if it’s really him talking or if it’s God telling me to edit more, write more, learn more.
I’d love to tell you I have this GREAT awesome answer to this and have SEEN THE LIGHT.
But I don’t.
Instead, I’d love to know the following: Am I the only one out there that struggles with this self-doubt? And if you do as well, how do you overcome? How do you differentiate between the devil’s put downs and simply facing reality?