In 2003, I miscarried a baby. I was about 8 weeks along. We named her Abigail, even though we only had a gut feeling she was a girl.
Funny, I can’t TELL you how many people accidentally call Annabelle by the name Abigail. My heart squeezes every time, but I just smile and gently correct them. Still, it is a reminder of my little one who went to be with Jesus.
Abigail would be turning 8 this month.
After I miscarried, I heard a song on the radio. And I sobbed for about an hour. It quickly became my favorite song, and I couldn’t hear it without tears welling in my eyes.
Most of you probably know it. It is the extra little part toward the end that brings me to my knees every time.
“You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be Your name.”
The day I heard it, it was a clear message to my heart. God gives us good things and blessings like little babies, but those things can also be taken away just as easily. But no matter what, I am to CHOOSE to bless his name. I may not always feel like it. But I can always put those feelings aside and make a choice to bless Him.
That is what I did with Abigail. And that is what I determined to do with Annabelle.
God reminded me of that this week.
|My grandpa holding Annabelle|
Thursday was the one year anniversary of my Grandpa’s passing. My grandpa was one of the sweetest, most lovable guys you have ever met. He was ready to go see Jesus, so while we are sad for us, we are SO very happy for him. Yet, it is still sad, and I miss him. I would LOVE to walk into my Momma’s house and see him scribbling down football plays on his pad of paper (his favorite past time) or have him ask me to find him a wife again (as he did for the past year and a half after Grandma died… my Grandpa was a ladies man, and he did NOT like the idea of being alone.)
Yet on Friday, God gave our family a wonderful gift. The Johnson “boy”, baby Liam Ray Johnson, entered into this world! 7lb 15oz, 20.5 inches long! Annabelle and I went and saw him just hours after his birth, and OH MY GOODNESS he is cute! I LOVE BABIES!!!! Huge congrats to my little brother and his wife!
God gives us cute little babies to love and take care of, and takes away Grandpa’s to heaven to be with him.
Lord, blessed be YOUR name.
Oh, and I reported on Wednesday on how GREAT Annabelle was doing eating!
And she continued to eat great… until yesterday. She decided food wasn’t so grand for some unknown reason. We still feed her… it just isn’t NEARLY so easy (i.e. the whole binky trick and dealing with a baby pushing away food…)
He gives and takes away, but I still bless his name!
But at the risk of jinxing it… she has made some GREAT physical therapy improvement this week! She’s rolling over MUCH more, and is “willingly” pushing up her hands and neck when on her belly. Before this was a 100% forced position in which she cried the whole time. (note in the picture… it was quickly done tonight to show her new skills thus the blurriness, and yes, her leg IS under the couch… I fixed her right after taking the picture… HA!)
Moral of the story: There will be times when the giving equals out with the taking. And there will be other times where it just feels like God is taking away everything we hold dear. And other times when we sit in awe of all God gives us.
But regardless… choose today to say, “Lord, Blessed be YOUR name.”
In other news… I have a name for my book!! I actually had this last week, but wanted to make sure it was final, and thought it be fun to save that fun tid-bit for another blog.
So… Monday, you’ll find out what my book will be called! And, I’ll tell you a wee bit about it, too.
Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!
(Cheetah Fest at school on Friday… we had fun… Karalynn went off with her friends, thus no pictures of her! HA!)
Krista, once again your writing leaves me humbled and inspired.
Beautiful post. The only thing better than the post is the green tongue – and seeing Annabelle looking like she's crawling. Adorable girls.
Thank you for sharing your heart and your experiences with us, Krista. You are a blessing to us all.
Krista, this is a beautiful post. Amazing you mention that song. We had 2 early miscarriages before Sierra and then a second-trimester loss between Sierra and Bodie and I remember that song becoming my anthem. I remember singing it, sobbing in church, after our 2nd miscarriage. And I remember singing it joyfully as Sierra danced in my belly months later. And I remember crying my way through it again after the next baby we lost. And I remember fearfully singing it as I thought of Bodie's future. It is such an incredible song and one that never fails to minister to me wherever I find myself.
I love reading your posts but just had to comment on this one. That song means so much to myself and my husband as well. Back in 2004 after about three years of trying to have baby we finally found ourselves pregnant. About a week after finding out (I was five weeks along) I started to bleed a bit. We went to the hospital and were told everything was okay after an ultrasound and went home happy. Two days later at work I had crampy and bleeding. We went back to the hospital and waited to be seen. I was taken into the hospital room while my poor husband was left in the waiting room. I kept praying and praying that God would be with me as I was so scared. That song kept running through my head over and over and over. When the doctor came in to check, he confirmed that I was miscarrying. I was devestated, but know that I felt Jesus there in that room with me holding me. That song became a balm to my soul. I still miss that little baby to this day and know that I will see him/her again in heaven. My husband and I celebrated the birth of our first son Logan a year and three days later. I still think of that little one everytime I hear that song.
Actually, Max gets to wear the crown of first boy grandchild. Liam is actually the 3rd boy grandchild. He is however the first born in over 11 years and the first to carry on the Johnson name though. 🙂
I did not forget about Max! I had it in my head that he is the first JOHNSON boy born and just flubbed it up! That, and I think I heard you say that it was your first "nephew" but it is not MY first nephew obviously… HA HA HA! That's what I get for writing a blog post at night… my head does NOT work! Am fixing that NOW!
Your post seems a "God-send". I have a friend who has had a problem with infertility and miscarriages. She is currently struggling and I believe this post could bring great encouragement for her.
Also, as soon as I read your blog post title, I thought of when Daniel was born and hospitalized, recovering from his first surgery. One of the guests in the Ronald McDonald House was in the hospital elevator with me. She was there visiting her daughter and family who were all hospitalized from a car accident – all but one that is – they had lost the little two year old to the arms of Jesus. During this elevator ride she mentioned she had just received news of twin grand-babies being born. She already knew that I was aware of the loss of her two-year old granddaughter and her next words were "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." That statement hit me so hard. Her praise to our Father in heaven during such a bittersweet time was a reminder to me to continue to give praise to our heavenly Father when the path seemed too hard to travel.
Thanks again for sharing your heart and giving me that reminder once again.
We sang that song in church yesterday, right after I read your blog in fact!! Thought of you!! Sending hugs!!
What a beautiful post, Krista. I love when God gives us just the right song at the same time. During the time my sister was in the hospital waiting for a heart, our worship leader at church apparently got on a kick to sing the song "Our God" every Sunday. Y'know, the one that says, "Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God." Pretty sure that wasn't coincidence. 🙂
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