I had a not so fun night yesterday.
Given that I’m a writer, I’m prone to bouts with strange dreams and imaginations. Last night I think I had a slight case of the blues. My writing seemed to stink, I hated myself, and I wasn’t sure if I could go on. Not sure what brought this on, but I have a feeling I know. (Stupid dad-gum devil…)
Anyway, my hubby brought me home chocolate, and I felt a little better. Satan is using this time to make me doubt, I know that. He is trying to show me everything I’m doing wrong, and making me feel like a failure, and darnit, he’s pretty good at it.
So last night, I had a dream. I haven’t had a ‘bad’ dream in a while, thank God! But I think my frame of mind spilled over into my subconscience and came out in a strange but predictable way.
I dreamed I was at conference.
I had a suitcase.
In my suitcase was a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, and 1 shirt. And a whole bunch of shoes. I’m not completely sure why there were so many shoes (I really am not a huge shoe queen…).
So, that was my first problem. I’d packed almost no clothes, and NO business-casual outfits as the dress code dictates. I would ahve to wear the outfit I in the whole time! Also, I had no dress for the banquet. I did have shoes though…
I also realized I’d forgotten to order business cards. Or to print out copies of my onesheet (which is still in progress). Or to have any samples of my writing at all. It was just me and my suitcase.
I had prepared no pitch. I could barely remember what my book was about. We were all going outside to do something (for some reason conference mixed with a version of Summer Church camp from when I was a kid… not sure where that came from either…). And I was the only one that could participate, or didn’t have anything to participate with (probably the right clothes).
I was mortified. I was a failure. The whole conference was a flop. I’d wasted all that time and money.
Then I woke up.
I’m better this morning, I think. I’m still struggling, but I’m reminding myself that God is in control, and finally recognizing the devil’s handprint on my evening last night.
So, I ask for your prayers that Satan would leave me alone, and that I would rest in the peace and love of God. Because wow, with God, we are NEVER a failure.