Not because I look good in a tutu (that is actually why I should NOT be ballerina…) but rather because Annabelle has made me adapt to staying on my toes!

Last night… she gagged. And pooped. A. LOT.

I finally turned her overnight feeds off at around 6:30 because she wouldn’t go 15 minutes without gagging and wretching. Her poor baby tummy was making all this horrible rumbling noises. And I think I changed about 5 diapers overnight, all of them with pure watery poop. (I’m a mom… poop happens. Stool does not adequately define it…)

Called the doctor this morning, but I already had planned to go into my, uh, clients office (aka former employer) to help train on a project that had to be done today.

So I went, awaited their call, assuming hubby could bring her into the doctors and pick me up on the way to be with them.

But she handled her 10AM feed okay, the gagging had stopped, so they were fine with her staying home. Maybe she just had an upset belly or little bug??

My problem is… all this possible normal things are also possible signs of rejection. And I now have this huge fear of rejection (the heart kind…) Nausea, diarrhea, irritability (she tossed and turned the last two hours of the night…) are all potential signs. She also had a mild cough, and coughing is a sign of heart failure… which is a sign of rejection.

But… babies sometimes have upset tummys. And sometimes their poop is runny. And we all know they can be irritable, and everyone coughs now and again.

So I’m having trouble deciding when to be worried!!!

Then tonight, after I got home, her SATS started dipping. But she was also tired and irritable (see above sign…) so I wasn’t sure if this was just because she kept moving and it wasn’t picking up well, or if she was truely having saturation issues. We finally turned her from 1/2 liter to 3/4 liter, and she was barely satting normal.

I put her to bed, she fell asleep, and her SATs immediately went up to 98 and I was able to turn it back down.

MOST people/babies have issues with oxygen at night… SATS are lower when they sleep. So what I’m having trouble deciding is, is her monitor just not picking up well when she is awake and irritable… or is her irritableness because of her low sats and is something making her not get good oxygen when she is awake.

Questions, Questions. *sigh*

Again, I’m on my toes… all the time!

I’m just… forgive me for whining, but I’m tired of this all!!!! I want to play with her and not worry about her oxygen levels. I want to be able to feed her and not worry about gagging and wretching. Can you see me stomping my foot??? Well, trust me, I am.

I’ll be better tomorrow. I’ll wake up, put my big girl pants on (really do need to lose all that baby weight….) and do it all over again. Because she’s worth it. My family is worth it. And Jesus gives me strength for each day.

Hmmm… it’s 11:30 p.m. I guess I’m thinking maybe my daily dose of strength is on E?

Sleep. Yes. Tomorrow is another day!



  1. The first year was the worst…we are now two down and I can honestly say that the second year I started to feel a lot more confident in problems being "normal" problems versus those that were more serious (and luckily all of ours were of the "normal" kind). But, its still hard every once in a while…but, as you say…its totally worth it!

  2. Even with a healthy baby it's hard to decide what's what.
    My guess … you can never be too careful. Use the hot-line with the dr liberaly, whenever you feel uncomfortable.
    I mean, it's your little girl we're talking about!

    Praying today will be better! ♥

  3. Krista, I'm so sorry to read your tweet about how bad things got this morning. I'll be praying hard for you all today and hoping things improve.

  4. My HLHS boy gags and vomits all the time. He dehydrates super easy and from January to May was hospitalized 6 times for problems that stemmed from dehydration. They were convinced the g-tube placement fixed it but now he is gagging and vomitting all the time again. We have locked horns with the docs because we are sure something is wrong but have no way of proving it, since he is gaining weight. To be totally honest, I'm just ready to have our down time too. I'm so tired of having to watch him suffer through gagging and fighting to get his breath back and vomitting and being uncomfortable from it all. 🙁 *hugs* Can we stomp our feet together on this one? Don't get me wrong, I will clean up the mess and give him hugs after and do it completely willingly cause I love him so much…but when can he have a break???

  5. Krista, I'm praying hard for Miss Annabelle I hope everything turns around quickly.

  6. I just read about Annabelle coding from Jill's blog. I am sending non-stop prayer your way.

  7. Praying for all of you and specifically for Anabelle's healing.
    A mutual friend asked for prayers for you all, Jill Haskins.

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