HOPE

I was sitting at work the other day feeling a little…lost. I guess that’s a decent word for the feeling. It’s that feeling of having so many things to do but at the same time, you can’t have the one thing you really want and a feeling of powerlessness and defeat overcomes you.

Then I thought… MAN I really hope Annabelle gets her heart soon.

My immediate feeling after that was self-incrimination. I shouldn’t just hope, I should pray.

Then I thought about it, and I realized how many times I start to use the word hope, I scratch it, and put a different word in place. “Know” so I feel confident. “Pray” so I feel Christian. “Want” so I feel honest.

Then God whispered into my heart, “I want to GIVE you hope, Krista.”

I then started to do some serious thinking about that particular word. When did it become “wrong” for me to use it? How many times do I say with a sigh when I’m pretty sure what I want or think I need isn’t going to come to pass… “Well, I can hope… *sigh*” like hope is a last ditch cling to the impossible.

So, I went on a “hope” quest.

In the back of my Bible, they give the definition as, “A confident trust with the expectation of fulfillment.”

This does NOT sound like a last ditch effort. And it most definately doesn’t sound “weak” or “unChristian” as, unknowingly, I used to fear it did.

When we “want” something, how many times do we say,

“I really hope I get  {a bike for Christmas, an engagement ring soon, picked to be on Deal or No Deal after standing for 8 hours in the hot sun… *ahem*}”

or

“I can only hope that {my boyfriend isn’t cheating on me, my kids aren’t destroying the house, Annabelle gets her heart in time.}”

I think what we are really saying, is that we WANT hope for these things… not that we necessarily have hope.

This is where my fear of the word hope came in.

So I went to the Bible to sort out my thoughts. I’m waiting for Dr’s round the moment, so thought I’d share what I found.

*Psalms 42:5 “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my HOPE in God! I will praise him again — my Savior and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you — even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar.”

Krista’s Take: I like this because he is acknowledging that he is discouraged and sad, but he is choosing to hope in God, to praise him again, even when he is deeply discouraged. Just like love, Hope sometimes is a choice, not always a feeling. Yet notice that he is putting his hope in GOD… not in his circumstances or in people around him. I also believe that sometimes God does GIVE you hope about certain things, and this, my friends, is a true gift indeed.

Psalms 119:74 “May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in your word”

Krista’s Take: THIS is my heart’s desire, that people find in me cause for JOY because of my hope in Jesus.

Proverbs 10:24 “The fears of the wicked will be fulfilled; the hopes of the Godly will be granted.”

Krista’s Take: I almost didn’t want to include this. Because I do NOT believe that because we are “Godly” that everything we “want” will come true. But, remember HOPE and WANT are two different things. And the “Godly” will put their hope in GOD, not in circumstances. And in that case, our hope WILL be granted.

Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Krista’s Take: This is just a good, truthful statement. This I well know right now!

1 Corinthians 13:13 “These things last forever — faith, hope and love — and the greatest of these is love.”

Krista’s Take: Probably the most famous verse on Hope. Hope is not bad, or weak-kneed, it is one of the three things that will last forever!

Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”

Krista’s Take: REJOICE, be patient, and keep on praying! These are God’s commandments to me today!

1 Timothy 4:10 “This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the savior of all people and particularly of all believers.”

Krista’s Take: Just because we are working hard and continuing to struggle… doesn’t mean there is no hope. My Annabelle is working really hard everyday to keep breathing well. Her hope is in a LIVING God, her savior.

*All Bible verses are taken from the New Living Translation

I wrote on a little sticky note that day and put it by my computer. It says, “Jesus is HOPE.” It reminds me that when I’m overwhelmed, tired, and struggling, when I feel like my world is falling apart, there is still HOPE in Jesus.

Oh, and if you’ll notice, I had fun and changed my blog design a wee bit. I thought this one was appropriate right now! Still need to change my header to match, but not on the top of my list of priorities at the moment!

Annabelle update: Last few days have been fairly uneventful… I like saying that except I’d LOVE for a certain BIG event to occur! She did run a VERY high fever yesterday morning of 103… but somehow the thermostat in her room got changed to 80 degrees. Since Annabelle runs fevers easily, a warm room is NOT NOT NOT a good thing for her, and as soon as we cooled the room down and put some cold washrags on her, her temp came right down and didn’t come back. Lab work this morning was unchanged. She did get a new toy to play with (a Christmas present that we’d kept at home until she was big enough to use…) I don’t have a picture of her in it yet, but I was told she was a HUGE hit in the unit yesterday while she played in it. She also got a “mat” from PT , so she can now play on the floor, which she LOVES to do! It is fun too, because big sisters can come and play with her on the floor, which was great fun for all of them too! Much easier than trying to find foot stools and hold kids up to see her in the crib!

Please pray for Miss Anna Reese today. She’s had a GREAT week and they are tentatively planning to extubate her today for the first time since her heart surgery. This is a HUGE step, and something she has had a difficult time with in the past, and something some doctor’s warned her family would never be able to happen. She has proved those doctor’s wrong, much to all of our excitement! So please pray she keeps beating the odds and can breath GREAT on her own!

Annabelle isn’t a huge fan of baths… but she sure looks and smells cute afterward!

Annabelle IS a fan of snuggling with Mommy in her cute purple dress! She likes to make funny faces too:-)

Annabelle getting ready to open her last… very late… Christmas present! Can you guess what it is???

Dear Wonderful Blog Readers,

Hey everyone! It’s me, Annabelle. I’m just sitting here… waiting for a heart… trying to have fun in the mean time. The nurses here are pretty cool, except when they give me a bath. No worries, I let them know how much I don’t like it. The things little girls go through to be beautiful… *sigh* I LOVE my new toy though, and I LOVE being able to play with my sisters on the floor now! I do wish I was able to go home though. I have a ton of hope that it will be soon though! Till then, I’ll keep playing, and doing my good breathing, and posing for these silly pictures my momma and daddy keep taking. They’re kinda crazy, but I love ’em! Thanks for praying for me!

-Annabelle