My emotions are like a giant ping-pong lately. Lots of personal stuff, good and bad, and just LIFE happening.
But… I’m reminded today about thankful I am for that whole crazy, dizzying life thing.
We always do a mini-celebration of heart day with Annabelle, nothing big. But in my heart, it is also a day I mourn, because I know parents out there are struggling today. Are holding tight to memories instead of a child like I am.
And this year, it is more poignant than ever, as today a family here in our home-town is saying goodbye to their 10-year-old daughter whose heart failed as a horrific side-effect of the flu. She’d been placed on the heart transplant list, but died shortly after this past Friday.
Sweet Halle’s funeral is today.
So yeah. My heart is conflicted today. I am so thankful, yet so sad. My heart bursts looking at my daughter… but the cost is bittersweet.
And as we deal with normal (yet still frustrating) life issues this week, I’m trying to remind myself of how blessed we are to deal with them. I’ll be honest. In the moment, It’s hard to remember it. Because life can be SUPER SUPER FRUSTRATING (yesterday was a GREAT example of that.)
But I’m determining in my heart to keep my eyes on Jesus, through the ups and downs. Through the sweet and the bitter. Through the conflicting emotions.
I think, lately, that my eyes have slipped to circumstances instead of staying focused on God. Just a subtle slip… kinda like a glance down that becomes too often that I get sidetracked and overwhelmed.
So today… I’m lifting my eyes up to Jesus. Trying to focus my eyes there. Reminding myself of the blessings God has given our family… the blessing that each of my children are to me… and the blessing we received 2 years ago today in the form of a second chance at life for my eight-month-old very sick daughter.